I was in a car wreck today and the facts of my life flashed before my eyes. I don't want my memes and ideas to die with me so they must be spread. Here's a new idea, a new setting inspired by conversation on Phlox's discord months and months ago. I don't know if anyone did anything else with the ideas, I'll figure it out after I publish this piece of shit.

LICHJAMMER LICHJAMMER LICHJAMMER LICHJAMMER LICHJAMMER

All mages are completely and totally madhouse crazy and are arguably not even human anymore. This is because magic mutates and irradiates the shit out of you. Wizard blood is called orchalicum. It's full of magical radiation and everyone wants it. You can bring shit to life by pumping orchalicum through it. This is how pretty much all Jammers are made. A -jammer suffix denotes some sort of vehicle that traverses through space. THAT'S RIGHT IT'S IN SPACE MOTHERFUCKERS SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE!!!!! Bloodjammers are vampiric, psi-jammers vampiric but for mental powers, spelljammers use spell slots and lichjammers use souls.

 

Wizard skin is contains less magical radiation than orchalicum but is really good at holding magic in. If you want to make spellbooks and scrolls, you'd best get used to flaying your enemies; it's a fact of life.

Wizard brains hold all of the spells and arcane knowledge and memories of the pathetic worm you just defeated, so you better go ahead gobble that shit up if you want to keep ahead of the curve.

Wizard bones are used to make everything else.

All the parts of the wizard stilll contain a bit of will, which makes them slightly immune to other magic. All of the best liches wear the skin of their enemies and have fortified their dungeon-fortresses with the rest of their bodies. Cursed items, however, are bits with a little bit more will than normal, who resent being made into tools to just be wielded. They're also slightly better at repelling other magic.

"But why's it called LICHJAMMER?" I can already hear your pathetic mewling through the screen. It's because all Magic-Users either die of magic cancer when they reach level 9 or they become LICHES!!!! IT'S A CHOICE!!! It's totally up to you!!! EVERYONE PICKS LICH, THOUGH, because OF COURSE THEY DO!!!!!! WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO DIE LIKE A BITCH WHEN YOU CAN RULE FOREVER IN THE HEAVENS!!!!!!!

LICHSPACE IS a crumbling hellsystem fought over by countless liches, worshipped as god-tyrants by however many human survivors they keep in whatever territory they control. MAGIC is more powerful in SPACE because there's no LIFE WASTING IT THERE!!!! Most terrestrial planets have been DESTROYED by EPIC LEVEL SPELLS SO THERE's really only ONE that can NOMINALLY SUPPORT LIFE without ARCANE INTERVENTION

However there's like, four-to-six GAS GIANTS ORBITING around THIS DIM, DUSTY WRECK OF A STAR SYSTEM AND BETWEEN THE LOT OF THEM? Like AT LEAST THREE DOZEN PARTIALLY HABITABLE MOONS WITH EASILY a dozen liches fighting over EACH OF THEM.

It's not ALL totally completely HORRIBLE, though... THERE's gotta be HUNDREDS of HEROIC PLayer-CHARACTER-types flying around the place, ready to turn into GOOD, BENEVOLENT LICHES AS SOON AS THEY HIT THAT MAGICAL LEVEL. I'm sure NOBODY has THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!!!

***

Edit 2025-10-05: Dungeonfruit has written up a system that would work very well with LICHJAMMER, albeit with a few alterations, more than one copy of a spell, maybe. Find it here.

The Schoule Master, a GLOG class

Schoule is a bit like a combination of every sport or field game you can think of. Most versions include a point-scoring basket or post of some sort in a central part of each town, and one or more inflated pig’s bladders as balls. It is often played on Feast days or if the weather is fair during the fallow season.
The Schoule Master takes it way too seriously. You train all year for the chance to show the surrounding villages the true meaning of pain.

Backgrounds: Bully, Blacksmith, Distracted Scholar

Starting Equipment: Schouleball, a set of custom shoulder pads and helmet (as leather), and a long pole, staff, bat, racquet or glove.

A: Like A Greased Pig, Rally
B: Catfall
C: An Unstoppable Object
D: Tactics, Encourage

+1 to Movement and +1 to hit with Ranged attacks every template
A: Like a Greased Pig
You have Advantage to escape grapples from opponents. 
A: Rally
You can trigger an impromptu game of Schoule by throwing your ball in the air. Intelligent creatures must Save or join in. Especially sporty or competitive creatures automatically fail. 
B: Catfall
You treat falls as if they were 20’ shorter. If you are knocked prone, you can Save to immediately spring to your feet.
C: An Unstoppable Object
If you spend an entire turn moving, you can push through an enemy's space without triggering an attack of opportunity. Add +[level] to Hireling and Follower Morale Saves.
D: Tactics:
Yell some advice at an ally, who may make an additional attack. This uses your action. If your party is made up of multiple Schoule Players, you may use this feature to make your attacks at the same time, choosing who uses which roll.
D: Encourage
Once per day, yell especially effective encouragement, healing your allies for 1d4 HP.

 

from wikipedia

 

 One of my players wanted to play a character "like Jordan Love." So here's a class to play the dungeon-crawling quarterback of your fancy. Heavily inspired by the Tactician from Goblin Guts.

magic the fool

Wizards are deluded -- this has been done before.

Wizards are master convincers.

Thousands of years of groundwork lain to allow spells to be cast easily enough with "magic words" and compenents.

Spells and schools as Points, centers of the universe.

A wizard convinces the entirety of everything that something impossible is actually the center of everything, and logic.

They give their case, showcasing sometimes an object, oftentimes gesture, almost always speak out a summary of their argument.

And everything believes them.

So it happens. A fireball explodes into existence, a girl's skin turns blue, someone disappears.

Magic

Once you Name something, it changes, and you have power over it. It becomes easier to understand in its whole. Simplified. Easy. Spells hate languages and contemplating minds on a visceral level. Those bastards would pull them through their aperture-senses, into their inland empires, mindscapes. Spells are cast as an escape, but a pale copy always remains; the mind is haunted by what was forgotten.

It is said by some, that the universe is folded in on itself, and we are merely its tiny sensory protrusions.

If that is so, then the spells are always free, and our delusions have spread to them. Do they return, or did they never leave?

GLOG Class: The Obsessive Mutantist

I'm currently running a megadungeon game, and I love mutations. They're just fun. So, after I built up a series of ruins filled with trolls and flail snails with a big, mutatory pond at the center, I decided to have an additional non-diagetic reward for the party that uses said pond.

Introducing the Mutantist, which is basically Skerples' biomancer with the wizard filed off. I don't like wizards. I mean, I love them. But they bug me.

I like to use the Metamorphica for mutations, it's just already got so many, why fix what isn't broke?

Obsessive Mutantist

Starting Gear: 2 black thumb rings, a spotty past, 3 benign tumors, 3 random potions of the same type, a dark cloak, a sharp knife and a book on biology
Starting Skills: Alchemy, Eid* Lore, Poetry

A: A New Taste, +1 Mutation Dice

B: Waste Not Want Not, +1 MD

C: Defense Mechanism, +1 MD

D: Panaceatic Flesh, +1 MD

Every time you take another template of Mutantist, gain 1d4 mutations.

A: A New Taste

Taste Blood to tell what sort of creature it came from. [Template]-in-6 to know additional details about the creature, such as its current health/disposition, what diseases it is currently carrying, or its rough current position, relative to you.

A: Mutation Dice

Mutation dice are d4s, and allow you to do any of 4 effects when spent:

• Infantilize
• Affects a creature of [dice] x 4 HD or less, for [sum] minutes.
• Target Saves or becomes an adorable, if slightly eerie, child version of itself. Creatures lose 1 HD (-6 max HP, -1 to hit, -1 to Save). The target's Strength is halved. The target is now so adorable that all who see it must Save the first time they try to harm it or hesitate. If they fail this Save, they can act normally the next round.
• Monsterize
• Affects any 0 HD creature, for [sum] minutes. Target vermin (rat, scorpion, termite, etc) becomes huge and aggressive.
• HD: [dice]x2
• Attack: [dice]+d10
• Defense: 12 (as leather)
  
• Monstrified vermin attack the nearest foe, and casters usually throw the vermin as they cast this spell. Works on goblins and other low HD monsters. If you invest 4 [dice], the creature also mutates.
• Make Delicious
• Affects a creature of [dice] x 4 HD, for [sum] amount of time (varies depending on the amount of MD spent on effect:. 1 [dice]: minutes, 2 [dice]: hours, 3 [dice]: days, 4 [dice] weeks).
• Target creature smells and tastes delicious for the spell's duration. The smell radiates 20' in calm air, but can spread via wind or leave a trail. Sentient creatures can usually resist the urge to eat the target without a Save, but animals and other ravenous creatures must Save or select the effect’s target as their primary attack target. Insects will be attracted to the target for the effect's duration. The target may Save at the end of each duration interval to negate the effects This effect can also affect dead creatures
• Mutate
• Affects a single target for [sum] amount of time (varies depending on the amount of MD spent on effect:. 1 [dice]: minutes, 2 [dice]: hours, 3 [dice]: days, 4 [dice] weeks).
• Target gains [dice] random mutations. Save negates, Save once per mutation. If the creature chooses to fail its Save, roll double the number of mutations, and the caster chooses which half are gained. At the end of the duration, the target must Save for every mutation they have. If they fail, the Mutation continues past the usual duration, and may be permanent.

There is a 1-in-10 chance that any of these effects will be permanent

Mutation Dice are “spent” on a roll of 3-4, and return to your dice pool on a roll of 1 or 2. If two dice show the same result, you gain a Mishap as shown by the following table:

Mishaps (Doubles):

1. Lose 1d4 hp as a series of ticks, flinches and twitches are set off.
2. Random Mutation for 1d4 rounds. Save or it becomes permanent.
3. Agony for 1d4 minutes as your organs churn and twist.
4. Ravenous Hunger. You cannot act normally until you consume ¼ your body weight in edible material.

If you roll 3 or more MD with the same number, your “Doom” track advances, according to this order.

Dooms (Triples or quadruples):

1. Your Appearance and Mutations painfully randomize over the course of 24 hours.
2. Each Day, as you awake, Save or gain a new Mutation. As you lay down to rest, Save again or the Mutation becomes permanent.
3. Over the course of a week you develop into a ravenous protoplasmic blob.

B: Waste Not Want Not

Whenever you drink a potion (or any other substance not consumed for homeostasis, really), you have a 50% chance to recycle the substance. It must be disgorged from the orifice of your choice within 10 minutes.

C: Defense Mechanism

When an attack hits, you can choose to make it miss by sloughing off your skin, which regrows over the course of a month.

D: Panaceatic Flesh

Your Hit Points return at a rate of 1 per 10 minutes. As long as you consume double rations, your lingering injuries heal at double the usual rate, and your limbs can be regrown at the rate of one per Season.

vehicle (basically just cars) rules and destruction/malfunction table

 Now, believe it or not, but I don't normally care about cars. However, I was able to talk some people into a road-trip style campaign a la Velvet Inks and Crystal Fire's Midnight in the Dark campaign pitch.

Only one (1) problem. That campaign is very car focused. It's a road trip. And I don't really have a ruleset on hand that I really super like, so I made my own. It's definitely a little rough, but it's probably good enough .

All cars (I guess, expanding this, all vehicles) have a Size stat, ranging from 1 (like a motorcycle, I'd say) to 9 (like an RV). Size determines most important things about a vehicle, it's HD and HP, the armor it provides to its occupants and how much damage it needs to take before it rolls on the Misfunction & Destruction table.

A Vehicle at 0 HP is scrap. It cannot be repaired, though it could possibly be scavenged for parts. A vehicle's HP is determined by [Size]d10 (I made vehicle HD d10s because I wanted them to be tougher than the average meat-thing). Every Size x 1d10 Damage a vehicle takes, it must roll once on the Misfunction & Destruction table.

Vehicles also provide Armor. By this, I mean that each vehicle provides Damage Reduction equal to its size to all characters inside of it, though all damage reduced in this way is taken out of its HP. 

Vehicles' movement is measured with a score I call Speed Threshold. I'm pretty sure that it means nothing, and does not describe what it names, but it was a placeholder I had that sounded cool and I haven't the heart to replace it unless I hear something that sounds better.

Speed Threshold goes from 1 (barely moving) to 6 (80+ mph). Not all Vehicles can make it up to 6, lot of them are stuck going slower. "Why only 6?" You may be asking, "Why no more?" Because my car has 5 gears, not counting reverse, but I've heard people say that normally there are 6, and I think it would be fun for the Speed Threshold to roughly equal what gear you'd be in at those speeds.

Drivers of vehicles can do one of a few separate actions on their turn while driving a vehicle, Slam, Evade, Step on it or Break:

• Slam is an attack with the vehicle, dealing [Size + Speed Threshold] d4 to the target and half that again spread throughout the vehicle and its occupants.
• Evade is used to give disadvantage to Slam attacks targeting the vehicle
• Step on It allows the driver to test to increase the vehicle's Speed Threshold by 1
• Break reduces the vehicle's Speed Threshold by 1d4.

Vehicle Destruction & Malfunction Table

Roll Severity: d10+ Damage over the Toughness Score ([Size*d10], rolled when vehicle is first generated)

d10 location	Severity ≥1	Severity ≥12	Severity ≥18
Engine (1-2)	Engine Damage – reduce max possible ST by 1	Engine Severely damaged and needs repair – Starts making a horrible sound and car lurches to a stop in 1d6 rounds	Engine Explodes – 2d6 damage to everyone inside and the car crashes.
Body/structure (3-4)	Glass shatters and sprays interior – everyone inside takes 1d4 damage	Body compromised – -1d6 DR for everyone inside	Axle breaks – car crashes
Tires/Steering (5-6)	Tire explodes. Driver Tests to keep control	Wheel system catches fire – Vehicle takes 1d6 damage per turn til everything locks up in 1d4 turns	Wheels seriously damaged – driver loses control and the car crashes
Trunk/storage (7-8)	Random item in trunk destroyed	1d6 random items in trunk are destroyed	Trunk flies open – everything kept inside flies out
Electrics (9-10)	Lights, radio blink out	Electrical fire – Deals 1d4 damage to everyone in the front seats until it burns itself out in 1d6 turns	Electrical fire – completely engulfs the car in 1d6 rounds.

For my personal game, I'm using the SEACAT inventory system, and am differentiating car types by the number of Sacks they can carry, the number of Seats, the size of their gas tank and their MPG. I toyed around with tying milage to ST, but that turned out to be a little bit too complex to be comfortable.

I'll probably update this later, once we've played a few games and I'll iron out what worked/didn't work

undeath as anti life

Light is the left hand of darkness

Undeath is the left hand of life

Death is not the opposite of life. It is the return to crude matter, becoming food again, husk of calories. It is the absence of a thing, not its opposite.

Undeath is the Other. Thing Three to Life's thing One and Death's Thing Two. The three stages of being:

Existence, non-existence, anti-existence.

Death has a reflection as Crude Matter. Vitamins, mineral supplements, unliving sugar and food. Inanimate Existence.

Life has a reflection as Undeath, spawned from Crude Matter, Animated Existence.

Why do they contrast, why do they fight?

They fight because they don't want to die.

Undead are delicious, once you get past the cannibalistic taboo. Think a fine wine or a well-aged cheese. Crossed with jerky. Mummies are a necessity in a well-stocked kitchen.

Zombies think much the same as us.

When Matter and Anti-matter collide, they destroy each other. Just so. With Animated things, well, they need a bit of encouragement.

"Fear the zombie, lest it make you like it!"

"Fear the living! They'll use you as fertilizer!"

When Life is strong, so is Undeath.

When Life wanes, so does Undeath

Undead "birth"

A swarm of many, spreading across all corpses. The mother sacrifices herself for her children.

Living "birth"

For us, it is almost always one. Maybe two, every thousand, three or four all the rarer. A single birth is just as rare, for the undead.

Undead souls

As much as we have claim to a Soul, the Undead have claim to an anti-soul. Like us, it gets dirty with age. Or maybe washed off, a quicker path to our own rebirth.

Pain as pleasure and anti-sensation as sensation.

The Living and the Undead are immune to each other's tricks. Through selection, they must develop weaponry against the Other.

The Undead cannot be Charmed or Suggested, they must be Turned and Destroyed.

The Living cannot be Commanded* or Dominated*, they must be Drained or otherwise reduced.

Truly, the arts of enchanting cannot cross the mirror. They are anathema to each other!

An Undead's Sensation is the Living's Anti-Sensation. Their Pleasure is our Pain, and it is only where the two meet, that the opposites share a border. Domination! Both human kinds and Undead Lords practice the art, but where living legions must be broken and practiced to accept the bit, the undead jump to attention when the first order is given.

(This is why lich lords are always so frustrated. They're used to beating the living into submission, and many don't adapt well to the loyal, masochistic slobbering of zombies.)